Weekly trade paper shocker! Oh, all right. It’s not that exciting. Computer Trade Weekly (CTW) will be distributed on a Friday rather than a Monday from now on. Why? Because rival MCV comes out on Friday. A case of ner, ner, ner, ner, and moreover, neeeerrrrr…

CTW features an Infogrames'-sponsored wraparound cover with Bugs Bunny taking centre stage. It gets excitinger (a real word, honest) on the front page proper with news that Future Publishing are planning to float on the Stock Exchange next month. Of course, we at Future Gamer knew that already, being that they're our lords and masters and all that. The bad news for you is that we’ll become millionaires overnight and retire to the Caribbean - it's on the Lincolnshire coast, just south of Mablethorpe in case you were wondering - and Future Gamer will have to shut down… (who’s been tampering with this week’s The Hacker? Eh? EH?)

Actually, the main news on the front page of CTW regards the fabulous financial figures that Eidos are posting. Bowler-hatted businessmen are said to be delighted with the profits, although one was heard to mutter that Tomb Raider 3 wasn't as good as it could have been. 'Pre-tax profits soared from £16.5 million to £42 million (including goodwill)' reckons CTW. That's a rise of 154 per cent. Who gets the money from the Lara Croft Lucozade ads? Does it go to Eidos, or do they put it into a trust fund for when Lara grows up? Anyway…

Take 2 are also said to be rolling in the green stuff after the success of Grand Theft Auto, Spec Ops and Rainbow Six.

MCV (The Market for Home Computing & Video Games, naturally) eschew financial figures, opting to lead with the news that a bloke called Sparks ('This town ain’t big enough for the both of us' etc… ) has been hired by GT Interactive. More excitinger (that nice word again) still, under the headline 'Trolley good news for Sega' (Jesus wept… the worst line ever?), MCV reports that ASDA are thinking about stocking the Dreamcast. Just thinking, mind…