Security
An expensive 'get tough' policy on gatecrashers, blaggers and fence-climbers. involving high ticket prices, Colditz-style razor wire, mounted police and hired gorillas with baseball bats is all very well, but to maximise profits you really want to get the punters into the site - you don't want to keep them out. A cheaper and more sensible option is to work 'with' the touts and take a cut from all the scams which get people in (in other words, sell a load of stamps to a bunch of dodgy scousers). If some punters wind up shelling out £100 for a proper ticket while others get in for a tenner, that's their problem, not yours.

Food
Punters will need regular refuelling to keep them going round the site. Veggie burgers are a necessary evil but beware - they do put pressure on the toilet facilities. Don't forget the old 'loads of salt and sugar' treatment - it'll keep 'em drinking and jiving.

Drugs
As an unscrupulous festival organiser you'll be hoping that the use and misuse of various restricted substances will help the event go off with a swing. Dealers supplying various 'uppers' should be stationed at strategic points around the site to make sure the punters have enough energy to keep trudging round spending money 24 hours a day; and plenty of grass and hashish should also to be readily available, too, particularly near those areas selling food.

Camping
A few tents are bound to get nicked each year, but you may be forced to look at your arrangements if everyone's does...

Alternative entertainment
No-one likes families cluttering up festivals, spoiling everyone's' fun, but two point four children plus a Granada equals disposable income, so you'll be needing to make them all welcome. A few clowns and a couple of cheap fairground rides should do the trick.

Weather
Don't despair if it rains; every cloud has a silver lining - if you keep an eye on the forecast. Buy in a few wellington boots before the festival begins and you can do a roaring trade if the clouds open. When the sun is shining your suncream 'n' shades stalls should likewise do well.

Sanitation
Calculate how many bogs you think you'll need and then divide that number by 10.

The clean-up operation.
Really? It can't be already. High time you caught that plane...