Dear Game Kid
I think your column is crap. Rarely amusing and often filled with typos, they tend to begin badly and then tail off into nonsensical drivel. It's high time you were replaced by someone else.
Alex Geek@Dullsvilleschool.com

GK: I couldn't agree with you more, but as most readers are unused to reading such a quirky take on gaming, the general weakness of the column is only occasionally noticed.

Dear Game Kid
I've been addicted to computer games for years now, and now the whole country's going to pot because I'm spending far too much time playing them. We'll never deliver on our promises before the next election at this rate. Please help.
Tonyblair@co.gov.UK

GK: Tony, Tony, Tony... I thought you were a student of Mrs Thatcher's political success? Didn't you know she was a keen gamer herself? And how did she manage to hold onto the reigns of power with one hand, while holding a joypad in the other? She didn't - she simply dropped the reigns of power, decided on a market-led laissez faire philosophy and let the country govern itself. That way she could concentrate on her gaming and still take the credit for everyone else's hard work. Model yourself on her, Tone, and you'll create untold misery for millions - but at least you, for one, will be enjoying yourself.

Next week: Game Kid launches his 'PlayStation in every home' bid for Alan Clarke's old seat.