After a stormy first couple of weeks, it seemed Game Kid's Emporium was really about to take off. It was true that he hadn't sold anything yet, but the people of the nearby hamlet were making him feel very welcome. Not only were they holding a torch-lit vigil outside, but one of their number had come to the store and asked him if he'd be willing to act as guest of honour at their annual bonfire party. He would be guaranteed, said the fellow, who had an admittedly queer look in his eye, a warm reception.

His reverie was cut short by the sight of Nigel tapping away on a PC. Smiling fondly at his young protege, he put his feet up on his desk, clasped his hands behind his head, leaned back and said:

"Sonny, listen to a man who knows; I've been there and done it. Playing computer football - no matter what the format or product - is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. I'd say to anyone who's a beginner taking someone out for the first time..."

"Sir..."

"No, don't interrupt; you'll thank me for this one day. To start with, if it's not too hard, get them to stroke it around a bit. Before you know it long balls will be meat and drink to them."

"But Sir..."

"Shhh. And only after you've done this should you think about getting it into the box and shooting, or slipping it in behind them."

"But Sir: your wife's here."

"Yes, yes; never mind about that. You just follow my advice: it works every time - even at my age. Indeed, only last week I stayed back late at the office and gave my secretary a right stuffing."