The boy wonder gets into all sorts of hot water when he opens a huge computer game store...

Game Kid strode proudly around his new Emporium, a smile streaming from ear to ear. Despite the fact that the vast warehouse had been built at a cost of millions, it didn't worry him that so far only a handful of curious locals and one stray sheep had ventured in, for he knew in his heart that when word got around the Shetland Isles, folk would flock to him in their thousands.

Sighing to himself contentedly and nodding politely to a passing shepherd, he took one last glance around at the huge racks containing every conceivable type of game, PC and console, turned on his heel, and began the long trek back to his office.

Ten minutes later he arrived and found his assistant Nigel playing Tomb Raider 3. Adjusting his camel-hair coat about his shoulders and stroking his moustache, he watched him for a moment, as a father would a son, and then glided towards a window. Crofters were mending their nets in the tiny harbour.

"You know Nigel, playing Tomb Raider is much like making love to a beautiful woman. Lara's controls need to be caressed, kissed, and showered with affection if you're going to get anything out of her. And to really hit it off together you've really got to go round to her place initially and experiment together, find out what moves and positions she can do, and only then will you manage those really special jumps. For instance...

"Sir..." his assistant stammered,

"Nigel, don't interrupt; you might even learn something. As I was saying: only the other day I had her on all fours - it was pretty hairy I can tell you - but from experience I knew instinctively what to do, and by pushing all the right buttons I got down that tunnel all right."

"But Sir..."

"What is it, for goodness sake?"

"Your wife's here..."