And another thing: Project Dolphin!!! Only the madmen at Nintendo could have dreamt that one up. Why oh why oh why oh why oh why do we continue to put up with their cutesy nonsense? We need a proper British Bulldog-type console to boot these mad Jappo consoles out once and for all. We should all stand firm in our resolve to say no to any more of this sort of thing and play good British games like... oh I don't know, but it's about time we Brits stopped putting up with it, anyway.

Shut up about the PlayStation 2, Nintendo, Dolphinarium thingy, Jaguar Mk.XXX or whatever else has been dreamed up by your fevered minds. I'm so sick of reading about this thing that doesn't actually exist but will be better than that non-existent moondream that I'm almost gnawing at the keyboard. Just play the games you've got now and have fun. Life is far too short for this sort of nonsense to perpetuate; you're being controlled remotely from Japan by Johnny Foreigner to buy their foreign muck forever!

Get all these layabouts who play these foreign games to join the army and learn some good old-fashioned British values. The day they stopped National Service was the day we started to decline. They'd soon learn to buckle down and do some honest work instead of watching the pretty lights beeping and flashing and beeping and flashing and beeping and flashing and beeping and flashing until they went mad. It never did me any harm - the nation's gone soft.
Come on then, all you people out there who rightly think like me. Send in your letters and support me to change this mad, sad world for the better.

Nigel Sampson