The obvious downsides to this kind of speed-driven, immediate gratification only come to light in later life, however, when doing things as fast as possible becomes a positive liability. However, procreation is not at the top of the list when you have to make a choice between the Squirtle or Charmander Pokemons. Frankly, you can also do without the worry about whether to feed the baby or finish your task in the Vermillion City. Nappies or new games? You decide. Console players are serious about the pleasure principle, which is why, come the final conflict, if the war isn't won in a couple of minutes they'll probably all get bored with it. A fatal flaw or base common sense? You decide if you can concentrate on the question for long enough.

Wireplay
British Telecom. British Telecom. Hmm. Some say that it's a monopoly put in place to secure cushy jobs for MPs once they've been discovered in a local park with a clementine in their trousers and their watches stolen. Others say that it's simply the Great Satan run by a conspiracy of arch-board game players who don't want anybody else to have fun.

All over the world, people from poverty stricken states such as Arkansas, New Mexico and Wyoming can Quake, Unreal and even Monopoly to their heart's content over virtually free phone lines. Over on this side of the pond, though, upstanding citizens are forced to dream about global conflict. If console gaming is like going to McBurgerKingWimpy for a double-bacon-mushroom-pizza-quarter-pounder, then multiplayer gaming is like selling the Big Issue outside the local fast-food emporium. You know that other people are soaking up the cholesterol while you can only squish your crusty little face up against the window and drool.

Multiplayer gaming is the future. The rest of the world, even Finland, understands this. Sega know this, which is why Dreamcast will have large modem uptake. The Americans know it, the French and Australians know it, but if you live in Wakefield, Barnet or Arbroath, you may as well think that Alexander Graham Bell was a deranged con-artist with two cans and a bit of string.

Multiplayer deathmatches with someone from Auxerre, Zagreb, Phoenix or Kiev tell us something about our fellow human beings. It connects us with the global community. It enables us to cripple people without even being able to see them. Come the Apocalypse, the multiplayer battalions will be able to slaughter from the front.