But you would expect that of an arcade conversion, wouldn't you?
We think you should expect better than that, actually. But don't get us wrong - the news is not all bad. For one thing, Virtua looks as beautiful as it ever did. The processed pea-green pitch is as lush as it was in the days of yore when we were all slotting coins into the game as truant (cough) nippers. The gingerness of Paul Scholes' hair has to be seen to be believed; and the stadium (sic), too, is so magnificent it makes Old Trafford look like a right dump. You can even take part in different tournament modes, which is more than you could do on the arcade game.

You said the control system left you feeling a bit out of things, though...
Yes, sadly all this is true, as it was of the original. There is a serious delay between hitting a button and anything happening out on the pitch. Your players are apt to have the mind to do what they like anyway. When you want to direct a striker to make a run after a long, hefted ball, more often then not he'll decide to pull up and take a breather, by which time you've lost any sort of pressurising momentum, not to mention possession. Which all makes you feel about as helpless as a manager in a dugout.

So you're saying, it's all right if you don't mind no-brainer football.
Exactly. It looks like we'll have to wait a while yet for a truly great game soccer for the DC. In the meantime, alas, we don't think Virtua is going to keep many people amused the time it'll take for that to happen...

Do say: It's just like the arcade game!

Don't say: It's just like watching Brazil.