After investigating a murder (but - phew - of crows), J Nash returns to examine the state of games machines. (Hang on, it was Mr Crows. Erk. No wonder he didn't answer the door.)
J Nash

So it's Playstation 2, N128 and Dreamcast Plus already. (I'd mention the latest PC kit, but the list became obsolete at lunchtime.) But don't worry, readers, I'm not about to advocate everyone just gets along with what they have. My plan is this: given that every round of updates leaves innumerable thousands heartbrokenly burned as they back the wrong machine this time round (or buy anything by Sega), but that the announcement of new machines brings worldwide joy of an astonishing intensity, why don't the companies drop the expensive lottery of hardware development and concentrate on revealing amazing new tech specs every other week?

Hello. I am J Nash, and I am excellent.

This week and next, I'll be looking at the current versions of the Playstation, N64 and PC, which are called the Playstation, the N64 and the PC. Why did the Playstation take over the planet? (Because Sony, as a large manufacturer of popular consumer electronics with a view of the world that extends beyond computer games, shrewdly treated their console as any other of their shiny boxes.) Does the range of available titles validate buying a PC as a games machine? (No.) If you boiled down the history of games into twelve milestone achievements, how many could Nintendo take credit for? (At least six.) I'd certainly be covering these questions in depth if I hadn't just answered them satisfactorily. Cripes. That's torn it.

"But J Nash," you quiz keenly, "how do we know which machine is better? We may be considering a purchase, or fondly remember the format war articles in computer mags which microscopically dissected the evidence with elaborate boxing metaphors then concluded with surprise that the best computer was the one they covered; or, if they were multi-format, that everything was more or less equally jolly. Also, we like it when you're unnecessarily cruel about trifles."

Readers, your will prevails. I'll cover each machine in turn.