Cor blimey Guv'nor, you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

GTA fans won't be disappointed. The London version of your favourite game is just as stupid as the original.
Jon Palmer

If you know Grand Theft Auto, you'll have a good idea of what to expect here - a complete pile of nonsense that some people happen to find highly amusing. GTA is to computer games what The Young Ones was to '80s sitcoms - shocking, irreverent and different, and ultimately, total pants.

The general idea, for those of you who are far too mature and expect computer games to have some kind of 'point' (as if), involves stealing cars and driving them too fast around built-up areas on a series of meaningless missions, generally with the ultimate goal of stealing more cars, one way or another, and using these to kill people, mindlessly.

Points are earned for maiming innocent pedestrians, which is funny, and there are just about enough rude words and drug references to earn it an 18 certificate. Beyond that, there's little skill to the game and even less purpose.

Considering this new version's being sold entirely on its London setting, it's shockingly inaccurate. There are too many wide streets, it's still all played out on a grid pattern and Volkswagen Beetles are still called Bugs. But the cars do drive on the left, there are zebra crossings, double-decker buses and Union Jack-bedecked Minis and Jags, and you get to leave a wake of death through the various areas of our own historic capital.