The wobbling Warcraft 1-grade graphics fail to capture the necessary deck-shattering splendour, and the action it depicts is similarly disappointing. The speed of battles promotes arcade-style blasting ahead of strategy, which is a shame as there are tactical controls to hand, but they're hidden behind microscopic icons and are difficult to use under fire.

The economy that makes nicking goods worthwhile may be intelligent and reactive, but it too is buried beneath an unfriendly interface. It's all too easy to accidentally sell hard won booty for a few pesos, while loading a fleet is about as much fun as shelf stacking in Tescos. Even raids on ports - which, with Hothouses' Gangster heritage, should have been its strongest suit - fail to deliver. Your little lads rampage through the town like Oxford fans at a Swindon game, but they've got fewer brains than their Berkshire brothers and are possibly less violent, despite the fact that you've painstakingly armed them with muskets, pistols and cutlasses.

Cutthroats fails to recapture the naive charm of the original Pirates!. The structure's too disjointed, the graphics lack sufficient punch, the endless switching of game modes is tiring and the controls, while powerful, are deeply unfriendly. Indeed, as Caribbean outings go, it's more of a holiday from hell than a dream vacation.