Somehow it's difficult to imagine Microsoft's legal people, who are most certainly not known for their irreverent humour and a tendency to drop '60s Rolling Stones song titles into their official threatening documents, actually saying that. Indeed, Paul Tollet, Microsoft's Retail Business Manager, denied the issue was about the clouds: "It's the same font, the same blocks of text, the same flashings and the product specification details are in the same place. We spent a lot of money on our branding and they've just copied it," he wailed. Serif changed their packaging.

A far more typical 'result' four years ago could be observed at a PlayStation magazine called SonyPro, which changed its name to PSX-Pro after Sony's legal team pointed out that only Future Publishing had the rights to use the console manufacturer's names and Trade Marks on a magazine. That's all we who weren't directly involved got to know about that case.

This is actually quite topical as Sony are now reported to be insisting that only Future Publishing's magazines can have the word PlayStation in their titles. They'll be threatening to prevent any third-party peripheral manufacturer from using the square, cross, triangle and circle symbols on their devices next...

Some lawyers are actually quite nice, though. Only last week I received a letter from a company acting on behalf of Biro Bic Limited, pointing out that in an article written elsewhere I had referred in passing to a pen with a spelling checker, and had mistakenly used their client's Trade Mark and trade name as a generic term for a manual ink-based writing instrument. They politely asked me not to do it again. Obviously I don't intend to.

Others aren't so helpful, however. I spent a good part of October and November 1999 fretting about a series of six-page letters, which arrived by both fax and mail in triplicate, addressed to every permutation of my job title. This particular firm's clients had objected to something I had written (again, elsewhere) so they decided damages and costs should be claimed from me. Scary.

So if any of you are considering a career where you get paid more per hour than even the most exotic prostitute, for far less effort, you know which courses to study. And if you're already there, reading this and scenting blood, don't bother - I'm skint.