This week GK tries his hand at doing some research on the Internet via a well-known search engine... with the usual (ha ha) hilarious results.

Game Kid sat at his desk mulling over a recent commission from his American contact, Ed Colonwolski.

Colonwolski had shattered GK's calm that morning with an actual pre-midday telephone call in his usual Big Apple-up-for-it-ness. "GK, hi, how are you? Good. Now listen. I want you to create the, and I mean THE, essential guide to everything there is to know about videogames on the W-cubed. Know what I mean? I want you to put all the experience you mentioned in your covering letter - nice, down-home touch that, sending a letter rather than an email, very English irony - into eventuating the MUST HAVE guide to videogaming on the Internet. See what I mean? And I want it, like, yesterday! Are you a Can Do kinda guy? Of course you are. So go for it babe!"

"Blumpf... urp... cash?" The Kiddie, although game, was also suffering from one of his occasional bouts of "tummy turnovers", but was keen as mustard to earn more money for old Yankee rope.

"Sure there's cash. Know what I mean? Via the usual channels, if you can ship the goods ASAP before tomorrow PM EST, see what I'm saying? Good. You're MKOG*! We connect! Now go for it babe!"

"Mumpf... s'pose... urp... right." In a period of time that in a hyper-decelerated universe would have been considered a flash, GK was on the phone to his pal, Ned Geek.

"Ned, mate, are you a Candy-coloured guy? Good. How do I find out about games and stuff on the jolly old Intermanet by tomorrow or something?"

"Well GK, it's all rather simple if you look at it with an object-oriented methodology..."

"Farg-off mate. Look, tell me it simply and I'll get you a date with a real bird of the front-bottom variety. Arse me around and I'll come round with a baseball bat and re-orient your farging objects. Erm, babe." GK liked Ned - he was wealthy, didn't drink but bought and was easily intimidated. Ned liked anybody who asked him to look things up or promised him dates with flesh-and-blood females of the live variety.