Slowly, a thought dawned on Game Kid. "Excuse me, did you say that Rainbow Islands sux and Quake is for girls?" With a comedy gulp he backed towards the door, only to be stopped by a ponytail headed, besuited chap, "Hi, I'm Davegarystevegary Jarvis-Hovis-Borg, media relations. Sit down you fu..."

"That's enough Davegarystevegary! Kid, we don't want this to get nasty mate, me good mate, me old mate. This is quite simple, mate, this is getting us loads of media pal, chummy, mate. BT is in on it; Microsoft, Sega, Sony, Nintendo, NeoGeo, MGT and Atari are in on it. We need this war man. And we're prepared to pay you well to ensure that the right kind of media is presented. It's for the good of the industry mate, bloke, mate-mate. Of course, if you decide to downside the positive nature of this short-term conflict, you could always find work on a PC tech mag."

"Oh right, well then, if you're going to put it like that... what's in it for me?" The Kid was sitting on the bed, his legs jellifying at the thought of the freebies.

"Free T-shirts for life, as much cheap, re-badged vodka as you can drink, a Nintendo Dolphin and an introduction to David Bowie's personal assistant's assistant at E3. What do you reckon me besty mate-chum-mate?"

Game Kid knew what he should say, what he should do.

"There's a great bar round the corner - let's all go and get fu...."