This week: Game Kid appears on a special edition of Blind Date...

"Well then ladies and gentlemen, who's the lucky bloke who is going to take out one of these gorgeous games on a blind date? Well, his name is Game Kid, he's from no fixed abode, and we're about to meet him! Come on in Game Kid!"

Dah da. Dah da. Dah da-da da-da dah! Dah da...

Bounding down the steps to take his seat comes Game Kid, looking suitably sheepish.
"What an entrance, ladies and gentlemen!" marvels Cilla. "And isn't he just gorgeous?"
Whistles and knickers fly through the air.
"Welcome to Blind Date, Game Kid. Tell the audience what you do for a living; I'm sure they're all dying to know."
"I'm in magazines, Cilla."
The audience expresses its now traditional approval. "Whooo!!!"
"Really? That sounds glamorous." Cilla glances deliberately at the audience. "Tells us, what exactly do you do in magazines?"
"I sell The Big Issue."
"Cheeky! He's a one, isn't he? And tell us too, what's your ideal kind of game?"
"A sort of interactive porno with guns, I suppose."
Cilla, chuckling: "Well Game Kid, I can't promise you any interactive porno tonight, but I can promise you that behind that screen there are three simply gorgeous PlayStation games - and you have just one question you can ask them, haven't you?"
"I certainly have, Cilla; and I'll fire away if I may. Hello Games!"
From behind the screen three voices chirp. "Hello Game Kid!"
The audience laughs appreciatively. Game Kid grimaces; Cilla smacks his arm playfully.

"To contestant number one first. It takes a very good game indeed to get me hooked. What qualities have you got that would keep me up all night?"
There is a slight pause, and then Number One replies, her voice trembling with nerves, "Well Game Kid, after a night out with me you'll not be falling asleep - because you'll be shaken not stirred."

It's obviously a weak answer, and the audience vents its disapproval with an impressively long pause before it grudgingly allows from its ranks a smattering of patronising applause.

"Errr... very good. Number Two?"
"Hiya Game Kid!" a voice squeaks cheerfully.
"Hello Number Two."
"Well Game Kid, I'm far too beautiful for you to even dream of falling asleep on me, especially as after a few hours together we're going to get really dirty!"
The audience explodes into a frenzy of enthusiastic applause; Cilla clutches at her heart with feigned shock.