Game Kid's Pet Corner

Spyro the dragon, T'ai Fu the tiger: you can't move for crazy creatures posing as heroes these days and most are sickeningly sweet. So, as an antidote to all that saccharine, Game Kid has come up with an animal game of his own...

Skippy the Kangaroo

Aah, Skippy. I can't ever remember seeing him on the box and still less remember ever liking him, and yet somehow he's got his own entry in the nation's encyclopaedia: a bloody kangaroo with a cheesy kid running round after him.

But happily kids of all ages would know exactly what not to do with a game featuring Skippy. What you would not do is give him a pair of boxing gloves and have him hopping round the outback picking up jewels like Spyro 'til his heart's content. Oh no, no, no; that wouldn't do at all. What you want to do with Skippy in a computer game is not indulge him but mess him up big time with a large shotgun - a shotgun with a definite and satisfying 'pump'.

That's right, Skippy: dance. Let's see you hop with one leg shredded. Let's see you jump with a good dose of lead in your pouch. Oh look, there's one of your friends: eat that. Lunch times would just fly by. And if all this seems a little extreme, just remember the World Cup of cricket is underway at the moment and that the Aussies are almost inevitably going to beat us at some stage or another. What better way to repay them than with a game that does in their most annoying export?

Of course, there's always the possibility of Rolf Harris with his extra leg blown off, or, for that matter, 3D Neighbours with a nail gun...

"Come on, Harold; do you feel lucky?"

"Ah. Oh! B-b-b-b--"


Lassie Come Home

But Game Kid has a heart, and just to show that he has, how this for an idea: the world's first tear-jerker game? It could be huge, literally, because Lassie certainly got out and about a bit, didn't he? One moment he's in bonnie Scotland making his miraculous way back to his poverty-stricken family, the next he can be seen bravely fighting it out paw to paw in the trenches of the First World War, so any game starring the canny canine could therefore have lots of heart-warming levels to keep the tears flowing.

So how about Episode One: Lassie on a nuclear submarine? Imagine. The button's been pressed, everyone wants to call it off, but the captain's bumped his head and is unconscious under the table. You try barking, licking his face and making that pathetic whimpering sound that no other dogs seem able to make, but nothing seems to rouse him. It's up to you to save the day. If you could just move those boxes with your nose you might be able get at the abort button...

Obviously you would have complete control over Lassie and all his abilities. The Triangle button would, naturally, prick up his ears so he could listen; Circle would allow him to spray; the X would be 'warning bark' (or soft crying if he's injured); and Square, Square would be attack. Up, Down, Left, Right, Square plus Circle would enable you to mount a policeman's leg.