Ralph, not believing his luck, got on the phone immediately. The book arrived a few days later and seemed surprisingly good. Within hours he was mastering jaw-dropping Cool Boarders 3 moves that defied the laws of physics. Within days he could do Driver's car park course blindfolded. Within weeks he was ready for Steve. He was ready for revenge...

As the day of their monthly session approached, Ralph was tense with excitement. He knew now that he couldn't possibly lose. There wasn't a game, new or old, that he hadn't mastered. There was no special move, trick or stratagem he couldn't pull-off with imperious ease. There was no way that Steve could beat him. No way at all.

Eventually, and all too slowly, the allotted hour arrived, and Steve hopped into a taxi and headed towards his nemesis and final, glorious victory. As the car rumbled towards its goal, Ralph dreamed of the look he'd see on Steve's face as he slapped him hard on the back - as Steve had done to him so many times in the past - and said, "Never mind, mate. It's only a game." Ralph smiled. That's right, mate: it's only a game.

At last they arrived. Ralph piled out of the car and, barely remembering to give the driver his money, bounded up the posh gravel drive and up to Steve's door. The door opened as Ralph approached, and there was Steve: suave and elegant as always, and dressed - what was this? - dressed in a smart waistcoat and bow tie...

"You all right, mate? Oh, the outfit! Do you like it? Yes, I'm bored of computer games now - I thought we'd play snooker instead."