"I only want to quick word to check that he's well. Perhaps I might speak with his secretary. I assume he has one of those."
"I can pass on your regards to him, but won't put you through to anyone until you tell me what it is you want. Would you like an interview?"

She was becoming increasingly impatient, and rapidly forming the opinion that I was some sort of nutter.

The situation, it seemed, demanded a more professional approach, I reluctantly concluded.

"Right!" she said, almost triumphantly, clearly relieved that she was about to be shot of me. "In that case I'll put you though to our public relations department."

She then gave me another long telephone number to ring. Yes! I was back on the trail now.

Upon dialling it, though, a recorded message filled my ears and a tiny dream sort of collapsed. "If you are requesting an interview with Mr Gates, please press '1'. If you are requesting an address or speech, please press..."

Listlessly, I stabbed '1' and was immediately greeted another recorded message - this one punctuated by a sort of garbled howling. So much for Microsoft's position at the cutting edge of technology.

From what I could make out from the recorded message - read in the same clipped tones as the previous answering machine I had been confronted by - if I wanted an interview with Mr Gates I was to leave my name and number or fire off a fax. They would then reply in two to three weeks.

By now I was far from confident in Microsoft's ability to handle anything at all to do with machines, but after my experiences with their telephone system, the fax seemed by far the safer and less painful bet.

What a palaver. I only wanted to say, "Hello Bill, how are your bunions?"

He'll get back to me though, I feel sure. I can see it now: 'Bill Gates Finally Gets To Meet Game Kid'.

Mmm...

I'll get my coat.