THIS WEEK: Our Kid investigates famous celebrities whose craft suffers due to all-night sessions playing their favourite videogames.

It’s not just you, my good reader, who regularly gets into all sorts of trouble for spending far too much time playing games than is good for you, your career or your love life. There are many - even in the higher echelons of society - who have the same problem. So when you next see some celeb on the box and think to yourself, "Him? Surely not!", think again...

Videogame Victim No1: Gordon Brown
Some of you may be wondering why last week's budget seemed like nothing more than a slipshod collection of measures thrown hastily together at the last minute. Well, Game Kid can exclusively reveal the reason: the Chancellor has been hopelessly addicted to Tomb Raider 3 for the best part of two months - and he's been stuck on level seven for the best part of two weeks. And this is what happened last Monday...

Gordon Brown's office, 11 Downing Street… It’s Monday morning and Brownie is busily at 'work' at his desk. Suddenly the phone rings.

"Hello?"
"Gord! Tone here,” says the PM. ”Just ringing to see how your work (New Labour, new hope, new laptop, etc.) is progressing - after all, it is the budget tomorrow! [Nervous laugh.] But I know we're in good hands - I've seen you burning the midnight oil these past few weeks, and I must say (social justice, end of boom and bust) it makes me proud to see my right wing (sorry) right hand man beavering away so hard on the nation's finances. So tell me, what's the PSBR going to be for the coming year?”
"Errr..." Gordan pauses for thought

Videogame Victim No2: Alan Titchmarsh
Alan's a busy bloke these days: his green fingers have given millions of bored housewives plenty to think about. But if you were to take a look at Titchmarsh's own garden, well, you wouldn't see it for the weeds because it makes the Australian outback look like a crown green bowling track. And why is this? Could it be that the nation's favourite gardener is nothing more than an incompetent fraudster who can't tell the difference between his plums and his cherry? No. The real reason for Alan's garden being in such a seedy state of disrepair is because, instead of pottering around in his potting shed, he's busy playing Championship Manager...

Alan Titchmarsh's potting greenhouse. It’s late afternoon, and Mrs Titchmarsh is on the warpath because they're both due go out and see her mother…

"Alan... Alan! You knew we were going to see my mother this afternoon! What an earth have you been doing in here all this time?" his wife twitches irritably.

Titchmarsh hastily rearranges some shrubs and begins to water them, causing a shower of sparks, a loud bang and a plume of smoke.

"Nothing, dear! Just seeing to the tomatoes."


NEXT WEEK... Frank Bough: Why I can't seem to kick the habit.