Dear Future Gamer,

I have decided to write a letter which is completely different to other letters you have published. The following phrases are ones which I never want to see in a computer magazine again

"If you liked (insert game name here), you'll love this sequel." This is my all-time most hated phrase. I don't want rehashed sequels (Turok, Turok 2,) I want no magazine to be able to say this any more because publishers release a unique game every time. If you are doing a sequel, make it so that it is un-recognisable in everything but name (Duke Nukem, Duke Nukem 3D).

"Exclusive review". In an ideal world, I would see a new game in the shops, wonder if it is any good, go to the magazines, pick one up, and see a review of the game in it, not to find the review was done three months ago. I saw a review of Micro Machines Turbo 64 in September, and have only just seen the game on the shelves this month. In an ideal world, cheats would appear one year after the games initial launch too.

"(technical phrase) - whatever that means." Don't fool yourselves, I'm sure you know what it means, you're a computer magazine. I would like to know what NURBS are, for example, so stop being so embarrassed about knowing stuff about computers.

"Some scenes really evoke a sense of fear, for example..." It's just like the person who sits behind you in the cinema telling you what happens next. I don't like it, and I'm sure many other people don't either.

"Graphics aren't up to much". Some games, admittedly, don't score highly on the aesthetic side of things, but don't mark them down because of it. My favourite games are Civilization (not II), Monkey Island and Worms. None of these are brilliantly flash, just horribly addictive. Worms was simply a masterpiece, but only scored around 70 per cent in some magazines whose criticisms were only graphically centred.

"Graphics compliment gameplay". Doesn't any reviewer (obviously with journalistic qualifications) know that in that context, complement should be spelt with an E? Complement means add to, complete or works with. You can tell because you can swap them around (gameplay compliments the graphics).

Thankfully I can say that I have seen only two of these in your magazine, so keep up the good work.

Chris Causer

FG: Thanks for that Chris. It can be annoying to see the same old phrases cropping up time and again, and it's something we try and avoid at Future Gamer. Even we aren't completely blameless though.