They have to spread their seeds or they will die a slow, horrible death, choking on press releases, rubberised character masks, branded helium balloons and demo CDs that worked before but now contain South Park outtakes and rude messages from "downsized" programmers. Only the locked doors of their holding cells will stop them from getting at their breeding partners or 'seed carriers'.

These carriers, as we've noted, usually take the form of journalists and retailers. Occasionally, tragic errors occur when members of the public are "schmoozed" - another term for the initial period of the mating ritual - this results in hideous, de-natured freaks who end up working in local radio - this is why the public are not usually allowed into ECTS.

Anyway, the carriers travel in bands and can be distinguished from programmers and graphic artists by the fact that the journalists and retailers have skin pigmentation due to going out during the daylight hours.

The journalists and retailers are issued with small plastic sacks - or more technically, 'carrier bags' - as they enter the show. If a PR person successfully mates them, their 'carrier bag' is filled with the PR seed and a 'story' or 'preview' is spawned. Carriers and Seeders however, rarely bond for life.

So there you have it, a sketch of ECTS. It's a wonderful event and everybody there is GK's besty mate! Is that Hugh from TonkyWare over there? High Hugh, erm Mark, Jess, Tony...