This week: Game Kid falls in love.

She was a real head-turner. Fine front section, beautifully rendered, a cute square button nose you could die for. And she belonged to somebody else...

Love happens to everyone eventually, but when it does it can take you unawares. One day you're happily going though the daily grind - car chases, shootouts in crowded shopping malls, pastings from Big Jack and his mob - and the next, bang! You're smitten. Which is nice.

It's a pity, though, that love is not a more exact science, because who's the Kid gone and fallen for this time? A dame to be sure; a real babe. And trouble.

It was at one of those crowded, smoke-filled house parties, in the middle of a heaving living room, that I first saw her out of the corner of my eye. At the time I was manfully dealing with this jerk who was busy bragging how small his mobile phone was, so I was able to watch her surreptitiously while I feigned interest in modern-day telecommunications.

Surrounded by a bunch of young bucks slavering like wolves, she stood out as a class act. Not only was she absolute stunning to look at (her complexion, I tell you, was flawless) she also seemed to ooze with an intelligence that seemed in no way artificial. And the way she moved - so smoothly, so gracefully - had me enraptured.

From my vantage point next to the bore I watched as in the space of a few minutes she imperiously saw off a series of feeble efforts from the boys to engage her. From their bemused and sheepish expressions I could see that she was obviously playing hard to get. Intrigued I continued my subtle surveillance.

After a while the crowd of admirers around her diminished slightly, so I told the bloke with the phone that I'd call him if I needed any more advice, and sidled over. It was high time I had a go at interfacing with her myself.

I'll cherish those few moments we spent together for as long as I live, and those minutes felt like hours. She was made for me: she was beautiful, interesting, teasing, funny, and she felt dammed good in my hands. And looking back, in all modesty I think I can I can say that I pressed all the right buttons too.

But alas, true happiness is but a fleeting thing, and it wasn't long before the host asked to butt in. With reluctance I was forced to withdraw to the sidelines. I was hooked and hadn't even remembered to ask her name! As I looked on while she and the host cavorted together I knew that I had to have her.

But unfortunately I never got the chance. I was chucked out of the party when I got caught trying to take her outside for a smoke.