Dear PCH

I'm a (cough) well known politician who enjoys liberally sprinkling my speeches with buzzwords like 'Internet' and 'laptop'. Unfortunately, I haven't the slightest idea what I'm talking about. Help!
Tony B, London.

Don't worry Tony, we get scores of letters from politicians afraid of getting caught for being hopelessly out of touch with modern technology. If you read the pamphlet we're sending to you, Lying To The Electorate For The PC Hopeless, not only will you be able to bluff your way out of trouble but you'll also be able to fix the unemployment figures on the Treasury database, without the help of that Gordon Brown character.


Dear PCH

I recently took my computer into PC World for a service, and unfortunately they found loads of pictures of child pornography on my hard drive that I'd downloaded from the net, and so now I've been 'caged' for being a child-sex pervert. Help!
Gary.Glitter@Pentonville_Prison.co.uk.

You twat.