This week: Game Kid's been playing with himself too much to think up anything in the least bit original, so instead he's copied a selection of letters from the latest issue of his favourite magazine - PC Hopeless...

Dear PCH

Last month I wrote to you because my computer wasn't working and you suggested that I try turning the power on, but when I attempted this a little green light came on. Have I broken it?
Yours, Panic Stricken, Milton Keynes.

Right... Assuming this light didn't appear on your video recorder or your cooker (an occurrence which provokes hundreds of letters to us each month), this is probably great news for it appears that you have finally succeeded in switching on your PC. Congratulations! Before you take your next step into the world of computing, we suggest you read our feature starting on page 58 of this month's issue, called How To Get The Most Out Of Your Computer When All you Can Do Is Stare Blankly At It When The Little Green Light Comes On.


Dear PCH

I am a eighty-something-year-old pensioner and have recently been given a 'home computer' by my son. I hadn't heard of it before so I put it in the greenhouse, but six weeks later, despite regular watering, nothing seems to be happening.
Mr O. Fogey, Dorset.

Okay Pops, we've got a bit of work to do here. In the first place, a home computer, or PC as they're now often called, isn't actually a plant. No. A PC is actually a tool that can help a person get a job done more quickly and efficiently - a bit like your lawnmower, if you like. We're sending you as copy of our pamphlet, Old and Pretty F****** Hopeless, and we hope this gets you started on the road to PC heaven. If you find this isn't much help, we suggest that you get your son to lend a hand since he's so bloody clever.