This week: and now on BBC2, it's time for Newsnide, with Jeremy Poxman...

"Recent years have witnessed a series of mass killings carried out by children, and according to a report out today, these tragic events are happening more and more because of increasingly violent videogames... Really?"

Cue music: dah da-da da-da...

"Good evening. All over the world the number the incidents of violence amongst children has been on the rise during this, the last decade of the millennium; and according to a report published today by SNOB - the Society for Noses in Others' Business, it's increasingly violent videogames played by children in the home that are to blame. As a remedy, the report also calls for other, more wholesome leisure activities to be encouraged in children. Tonight we ask if these games really can be that bad for our children, and if childhood is no longer the innocent thing it once was. But before we put these questions to a distinguished panel here in the studio, here's Mark Blunder..."

Cue a rather flippant and sensationalist piece lasting about five minutes.

"With me in the studio to discuss the issues raised in that film are Victoria Severe-Prim, author of the report for SNOB; Professor Edward Case, child psychologist at the Closed University; and Game Kid, computer games expert and columnist for F9 magazine."
"That's FG, actually."

"Ye-esss... Victoria Severe-Bag - sorry, Prim - if I could come to you first. You're just being a bit of a spoilsport, aren't you?"
"Ahem. Not at all, Jeremy. If you actually read my report you would know that I am far from a spoilsport. All I am saying is that there are some particularly nasty videogames on the market which do not set a good example for children, and that children as a rule spend far too much of their time playing videogames. A return to more traditional leisure activities for children would be far better for them."