Jump down (jump down), I've never believed in love (oh, yeah, oh). 'Til now I've never believed in us (oh, and indeed, yeah). Jump down. I've never believed, I've never believed in love. That's why I smell like pizza. Jump down.

Did you hear what the stars had in their dressing rooms at the recent Brit awards? Latino tosspot Ricky Martin burned incense and sipped camomile tea while The Stereophonics had loads of Jack Daniels. And to think that we used to reckon they were pump. Boy band 5ive had about three hectares of horse, a coconut, half a pound of pineapple chunks and a hard-on.

Hey mambo! Mambo Italiano. Go, go, go, you mixed up Siciliano. All you Calabrese do the mambo like broccoli. Me no want no girls come a me, when me stepping on the dance, me feel irie. Oh, wee.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Aren't Vengaboys great? "Hey! We're going to Ibit-za!" Go on then, bugger off! And don't come back, you hear? They're not good at all really.

Ooh, you're moving too fast and I don't think it's right, I'm not giving you my love tonight. Bad boy, bad boy, you're such a dirty bad boy. Beep, beep, uh-huh, a-ha, mmm, mmm. Indeed!

And I forget just why I taste, oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile. I found it hard, it was hard to find, oh well, whatever, nevermind. With the lights out, it's less dangerous. Which is nice.

That bird from Aqua's dead tasty, as is Christina Aqualibra. Notice the pattern yet?